I have an important story to tell

January 18, 2009 on 4:59 pm | In Life Stories | 9 Comments

I’ve been thinking a lot about this and I’ve decided I need to write and share this with you. Melvin sometimes likes to mention that we met 15 years ago when he resuscitated my baby. This was actually 17 years ago, we lost track but I counted. I was only 19 then, and made a lot of mistakes, like meeting the worst possible boyfriend anyone could ever have the misfortune of meeting (not Melvin! We didn’t meet again until 13 years later). I will not tell the details of my relationship with this boyfriend, but he did a lot of stupid things that made a lot of people angry. He used to forever bug my mom and try to find me, but one day he stopped and I never heard from or about him again. I automatically thought someone got mad enough… Well anyway, I got pregnant, and the baby was born 6 weeks premature. Melvin was the one who came to take care of him. I was fortunate enough to know a family who took us in and took very good care of the baby. I don’t remember their names, it was 17 years ago. I remember the mother had a very sweet child like voice, and the father had a prosthetic leg. I named my son Anthony Lee Allen Jacobson.

Unfortunately for me, but I suppose fortunately for my son, they disappeared with him. But it seems that Child Protective Services approved of it. You know, they came to check on us, and of course that terrible boyfriend of mine just threatened and chased the investigator away!

I am sad to say I never saw my son again, and I even lost the one picture I had of him. When he was 6 I heard that they moved to Canada and wanted to start him in school but they didn’t have a birth certificate so the Royal Canadian Mounted Police contacted me. I told them that I don’t want to take him away from them, I just want to be sure they are taking good care of him.

I think usually an adopted son will look for his birth parents at about age 17. I was hoping he would be looking for me, so I’m putting a message out there. I’d like to think he’s getting ready for college or something. I want him to know there is a very stark difference between my life then and my life now.

This is a very daring thing I’m doing, writing something about myself revealing I wasn’t some perfect kid. And this doesn’t have anything to do with science, but maybe spiritual. It is interesting how I had a chance meeting with my soulmate and didn’t know it. And we were trying to make it work with the very opposite, if there is such a thing as the opposite of a soulmate.

9 Comments »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. If you look in my profile you will see why I wished I had someone to listen to me after my near drowning at age nine. I did not remember the first NDE until I was doing a healing meditation in 1997. During this meditation my spirit guides, Andron, the Four Oracles, and the Tribe, all showed up. The “Old Woman” said ” I have someone who needs to talk to you.” I asked “who is it?” My deceased mother came forth. I started to cry. My mother reached over and asked me to let go of our past together. My mother said “you suffered extreme trauma when you were born. The doctor delivered you by pulling you out head first.” There are other issues but we’ll work on those later on. I said “okay.” She told me she did love me. She withdrew and the Old Woman stepped forward. O.W. explained that I needed to go to the fourth level (I’ll explain later) of meditation and let go of the memory of the delivery. I did just that and the migraine and severe neck spasms disappeared.
    Now I’ll explain the different levels of meditation. There are four and they are alpha, beta, delta, and theta. These different levels correspond to the brain wave patterns generated by a persons’ brain.
    Alpha is the light meditation level and the person is always aware. The brain still wants to listen to the ego talking.
    Beta is the second level and the ego starts to step aside and let the soul/spirit connect to the mind. The body starts to “fall asleep.” By this I mean the body feels like it is does when the leg “falls asleep” sort of thing.
    Delta is the third level. This is where the mind starts to remember past dreams, life situations from the current life, past life situations from other lives, and where the soul/spirit can communicate. The body will be “asleep” or numb as I call it. The person is still aware.
    Theta is the fourth level. This is the level I reach when I need to heal my self from the current or past life trauma. This also the level where I go visit the “light beings.”
    I can “astral travel.” I am very psychic and am a talented artist in more ways than just being a chef. I chose my time of birth based on the alignment of the planets and stars. I also chose my parents because both were also psychic in their own ways. Both parents suffered severe medical situations during their childhoods. My day of baptism was on the Winter Solstice.
    We choose our “human situation” parents etcetera, before we are born into this life. Our souls were created to live forever. “Death” is not anything like the religious leaders say it is. There is no such thing as devils, demons, or satan. Each person now living has lived another life here or somewhere else. I have lived many lives before here on earth. I have personally met Raymond Moody and P.M.H. Atwater.
    I will end my comments for now as I have school homework to do. Richard

    Comment by Chef Richard — January 19, 2009 #

  2. It has been very difficult for Pauline to write the above post, about essentially having her first child kidnapped from her. She was in an abusive situation, and perhaps the kidnappers were half Good Samaritans and half manipulative evil people who took advantage of Pauline. Regardless of their intent, the theft of her child was not handled properly; the regular adoption process is traumatic enough for birth mothers who feel they can’t care for a child.

    I want our readers to understand that we are very sincere when we state that we understand issues of grief and loss. Neither Pauline and I have had a child actually die, so we do not know the horrors of that situation. I have counseled and worked with hundreds of parents who have suffered the death of their child, many of those same children I attempted to resuscitate and failed.

    Both Pauline and I have suffered the loss of the love of our children, through alienation, kidnapping, the aftermath of high conflict custody disputes, and drug addiction. We have also both shared the joys of adopting children, having foster children, and giving and receiving love from children who are not our biological children.

    We are well aware of the difficulties involved in caring for children who are less than perfect. One of my children has a form of autism, and Pauline has a mild form of Aspergers Syndrome.

    As parents struggling to deal with grief, or anyone dealing with spiritual crisis, I understand how difficult it all is, can we believe in mediums? can we trust someone who seems to have all the answers? what is the secret to life, and could it possibly be true that someone else has the secret, and can share it with us if only we join their church, or buy their book. Sure, Dr. Morse says that we have a godspot, but then I read about someone who says that they can contact the dead and “god” on a special telephone that only costs $99. Is Dr. Morse endorsing telephones to contact the dead?

    That is why Pauline and I feel so strongly on the following point: We have no secrets of life to share with you. Everything I have learned, I learned from children who nearly died and returned to life. That information is sacred, and I do not want to charge others to share it with them.

    I practice medicine or sell my books righteously in bookstores like Borders to make money. We do not make any money from spiritualscientific, directly or indirectly.

    Of course, the situation is a bit more complex than that. I often teach at workshops that are very expensive, these are arranged by promoters who take the risk and the profit from such workshops. We are not opposed to making money, and afterall I did write 3 best selling books!

    So our solution has been that when we are in situations in which we actually make money on promoting this research, we return all of it to the research itself, to direct research expenses, not even “overhead” expenses. All of our projects have a specific dollar cost based on payment of subjects, equipment costs, etc.

    We don’t want to cloud the complex issues of “what is real” and “how can we trust someone else’s spiritual vision” with issues such as “are they conning me”, and “is this just about making money off of needy desperate people.”

    We have suffered in ways that I pray no one reading this will ever suffer, even those who have harmed us. Yet I know that many others have suffered far more than us, we still track the “signal line” as the remote viewers say.
    Furthermore, we have learned lessons of living that cannot be learned except through extreme suffering, so we cannot even regret the painful aspects of our lives.

    There is an expression “the gift of torture”, which I am sad to say, is only meaningful to someone who reads this, and nods and says, “yes, I understand that”. Our best friend Robert Caswell, the late screen writer, coined and explained that “phrase” to Pauline and myself. He suffered horrific abuse as a young child, and explains much of his Hollywood successes to the “gift of torture”.

    In my scientific quest to understand whether or not near death experiences are “real”, Pauline and I seem to have stumbled upon something that others might have overlooked, a different way of understanding the Universe, a scientific understanding of how our brains can truly connect with a “god”.

    We have determined that there are only two ethical responses we can make:
    1. We have an obligation to others to share this information.
    2. We must share this information by publishing it in mainstream scientific and medical journals to add to the knowledge of all human beings, and we must share this information with people in a non profit way that permits them to personally validate it for themselves.

    We want to teach people that they have a god spot that they can use to validate and verify for themselves if spiritual visions, angels, and a “god” is real and helpful to them in their own lives. We need to “cut out the middle man”, bypass the mediums, the psychics, the preachers, the religious leaders, and start to learn for ourselves if there is a real “god”. We are all born with the biological equipment to use it, it evolved over 200,000 years ago, now let’s learn how to properly use it.

    Melvin L Morse MD

    Comment by Melvin — January 19, 2009 #

  3. RESPONSE TO CHEF RICHARDS COMMENT

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful response.
    You have summarized our philosophy in a succinct and beautiful way. Your response combines the science and spirit that Pauline and I together are attempting to achieve.

    It’s all about listening the spirit, listening to the heart, and realizing that we each have our own spiritual vision. We cannot rely on religious leaders to necessarily understand our personal spiritual perspective.

    Comment by Melvin — January 19, 2009 #

  4. I am in full agreement with your last comment Melvin. The “religious” leader’s do not have the “knowing” that God does. Therefore, when one “knows” to follow the spirit and leave it to God the outcome is an amazing realization. Whether it be the one we hope for or not. There is always a compfort zone when you put your “spiritualism” to work. With that said, I give the upmost respect to Pauline for writing about her hurt’s. If you think about it, I am sure just writing about this very personal topic, in some way gave her the “knowing” that it was going to be ok, at least for a moment in time, she was free from the past.
    The comment you posted prior to the last, you wrote “We are all born with the biological equipment to use it, it evolved over 200,000 years ago, now let’s learn how to properly use it.”
    In my work I have been using it all of my life and I find that, it works best when one truly is intune with themselve’s and their spirituality.
    To take it a step further, once you reach that level of “knowing”, you can accomplish most anything you set your mind to.
    I do have to disagree to a certain point, as you stated cutting out the middle man, medium’s and such. I believe this to be true to get to the personal growth, however, if there is a need for someone with skill to help when they can, I say take that gift and learn from it. I have held many classes on this topic and the outcome is amazing to see your student’s walk away with the “knowing” that they too can accomplish and become closer to God. Sometime’s without that “middle” person to give you the shove, you stay in the same frame of being?
    This is not good as you can see for yourself the World and it’s “state of being”.
    Pauline, I applaud you for letting go and giving your spirtualism the power to bring you closer to the “knowing”.
    Respectfully,
    Tanya Montague

    Comment by Tanya — February 3, 2009 #

  5. Thanks for your comment Tanya.
    As a Pediatrician and former Critical Care physician, I have spent much of my professional life at the side of parents dealing with the death of a child.

    At least one half of them, if not more, have consulted a professional medium in their efforts to heal their grief. Invariably their goal is to contact the child who has died, and somehow communicate with that child.

    As a sad irony, research shows that most parents have vivid premonitions and communications with their child who has died. These often include premontions of the child’s death, sharing in the dying experience of the child, and communications from the child after death. These after death communications take a variety of different forms, including plants blooming out of season, unusual coincidences, and direct spirit communications.

    All too frequently, parents ignor these potentially healing visions as crazy dreams or grief induced fantasies. They frequently do this because we don’t have a scientific or societal explanation for these experiences, so they are trivialized and dismissed.

    Parents look to professional mediums often because they feel that if an unknown outside person can validate the spiritual experience, it will somehow “prove” it is real. However, in my experience, it is rare for encounters with mediums to result in lasting resolution of grief.

    There is a reason for this, which is not disrespectful of professional mediums. Our own spontaneous spiritual experiences frequently contain the seeds of healing necessary for grief resolution. In the spontaneous spiritual experience, such as an after death communication from a child, there are often unusual and unanticipated elements which have specific meaning for the parent. These are often the most important pieces for healing.

    A professional medium often will overlook these elements, or misunderstand their significance, or the parent will fail to understand their context when they are told about them through the medium.

    Furthermore, no matter how successful a professional medium’s reading is, my experience is that parents are always left with lingering doubts as to the credibility of the medium.

    My heart cries out in horror at this this situation. When grieving parents have their own visions, they often trivialize and dismiss them. If they go to a medium, they agonize over whether or not the medium was a con artist, or somehow tricking them or telling them what they want to hear. They feel ridiculed and disrespected by their friends and families no matter what, as they are “crazy” if they believe their own visions, and “fools” if they pay money to see a psychic.

    As you know, and anyone reading this should be aware, I am in the process of analyzing your work as a medium using the tools of the scientific protocol of controlled remote viewing, as well as my analysis of near death experiences and personal (and spontaneous) spiritual visions surrounding death and dying.

    I have only one interest, trying to determine if there is a way to validate a person’s own spiritual visions, to differentiate what is “real” from what is a fantasy of the mind.
    The extent of our research protocol involves analysis of the visions themselves, scientific research on the controlled remote viewing protocol, the mind’s ability to influence sensitive electronic equipment during nonlocal perceptions, and functional MRI studies of remote viewers and mediums.

    We have not yet published our work in the scientific journals, however, our preliminary results are consistent with the concept that we can reliably differentiate “real” spiritual experiences from fantasies and creative thinking and analysis of the mind.

    Since you are one of our subjects, I want to make it clear I am not commenting on your psychical abilities, and as I mentioned before, one of the realitiies of this sort of research is that my results frequently anger my own subjects.

    Having said that disclaimer, I want to point out that you emphasized in your post that you teach classes to others on how they can directly have their own mediumistic experiences.

    This is a common ground I can agree with. When I stated “cut out the middle man”, I was referring to the dependence on a medium for spiritual visions and intutiions. I have absolutely no problem with the concept of a medium as a teacher, as a guide, as a “spiritual counselor” which is in fact how you describe yourself.

    I once wrote a foreward to one of Sylvia Brown’s books. Sylvia is well aware of my opinion of mediums, yet I endorsed her book as it was a book emphasizing how each person can be their own medium.

    Penn and Teller, the magicians, do an excellent job of showing how professional mediums have a variety of tricks of the trade to fool customers. I have personally been trained by the best of the English stage mediums, and can give an entire “show” of that sort of mediumship, and I am not psychic or a medium.

    However, Penn and Teller for some reason do not publicize that their own research and collaborations with cognitive scientists also strongly support the concept that the human mind does not see all of reality. We are conditioned to believe what is real.

    In other words, Pell and Teller’s own work with cognitive scientists clearly demonstrates that any of us could see and talk to an angel, and yet not know the experience for what it was.

    If you are teaching people how to pay attention to their own spiritual insights and lives, (as I know you are) then I applaud you. (as I do)

    Melvin L Morse MD>

    Comment by Melvin — February 4, 2009 #

  6. Well Said Melvin, I am as curious to know the outcome of remote viewing and spiritual “intervintion” if you will, there is a definate difference, I am well aware of, and we will speak on this topic more I am sure in the future.
    These “preminition’s” that a grieving parent has, may very well be a spot in their mind of not wanting to let go, or to the exteme of letting go. In any case they are looking for compfort, whether it be a “sign”, or going to a “physic”. The fact still remain’s that they hurt. To help eleviate the hurt they turn their live’s upsidedown, add more hurt, “emotion” to energy, that get’s worse. As a scientist such as yourself, you know as well as I do “energy beget’s energy”. If one feel’s lost and scared, alone, their energy is going to effect the everyday move of energy in their live’s causing more negative then positive.
    Adding the “God Spot” is a perfect example of the knowing. When one truly knows (and we will see where this leads) they will be able to connect with a positive outlook and positive moving energy that will allow them to “be”, to see things more clearly and allow the freedom of their own “spirituality” lead them to the spot that allows them to understand the “God Spot” clearly.
    Speaking as a counselor and not a medium, I find that when a parent suffer’s a loss of a child it is clear as glass that they have not come close to the “spirituality” nor “faith” that they have within themselve’s to guide them to the “God Spot” theory.
    My experience has been while talking with “said” parent’s, is that they do not undertand the selfish acts. What I mean by that, heartache (natural)…BUT the lesson’s they have yet to learn about the passing and how grand it is.
    Once, they have made a certain connection, remote, or spirtual, the comfort of the parent subsides to a place of peace. But let me say that in my work, not every parent can grasp this, and the answer always comes down to doubt.
    Poving the “God Spot” is a major challange, yet so easy at the same time.
    I have to hand it to you as you continue to work throught the known and unknown, in your effort’s to show the truth. I know for a fact, you will be tried, and that you will come out on top of this. The outcome will be that of proof, scientific proof and will benifit many familie’s and children across the planet.
    I am kind of laughing at my lack of scientific experience, however I know where this is going, if that makes a lick of sense. I look forward to your next article and applaud you back as a man of persiostance and equeal mind.
    Respectfully,
    Tanya

    Comment by Tanya — February 6, 2009 #

  7. Pauline – What courage and hope it must have taken to write this piece. Thank you for sharing your story.

    I can appreciate the “gift of torture” in some small way because of what 2004/2005 was for me (my then boyfriend had an aortic dissection while visiting me and I saved his life by having him airlifted to a trauma center; my 4-year-old daughter was diagnosed with cancer; I spent Valentine’s Day in a domestic violence court feeling my life was threatened by my ex-husband, my daughter’s dad (who was since diagnosed with Asperger syndrome which might help to explain some of his maladaptive coping skills but not all); my car was broken into by someone who left blood all over the back seat, and my wallet was stolen twice (with all the stuff that entails); after my boyfriend thankfully recovered, my ex-husband threatened him until we had no choice but to end our relationship.

    Yet, through all that, I experienced the most profound revelation about Compassion as a living, breathing thing. I became no longer cynical about humanity, which sounds like the biggest paradox there could be. When I was as low as I thought a person could be, there was an outpouring of compassion to meet me. I want to write a series of stories about my 2005, with the belief that every person likely has their own year that feels as if some sort of curse from another world must have been placed upon them. . . that they did nothing apparently wrong to deserve the ravages they endure.

    Comment by carlismom — April 26, 2009 #

  8. Polissage verre…

    Free advice on How to Fix Scratched Window Glass….

    Trackback by Polissage verre — June 15, 2010 #

  9. what is aortic dissection…

    Before making that conclusion, I think spiritualscientific.com Blog ” I have an important story to tell might want to consider alternative methods….

    Trackback by what is aortic dissection — October 15, 2011 #

Leave a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Powered by WordPress with Pool theme design by Borja Fernandez.
Entries and comments feeds. Valid XHTML and CSS. ^Top^